tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254832701895054119.post6024037869881071287..comments2023-04-05T04:08:30.806-04:00Comments on Kristin's Blog: Gendered ToysKristinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07119774146314217814noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254832701895054119.post-59099860992497545302008-05-24T18:09:00.000-04:002008-05-24T18:09:00.000-04:00Kristin-You've done a nice job analyzing the toys ...Kristin-<BR/>You've done a nice job analyzing the toys that influence gender using your cousin! <BR/>I thought that your analysis was very interesting by linking the commercials with the people in his life (and how they see the role of the toys your cousin plays with), and also the course readings.<BR/><BR/>For the course readings, be careful to fully link what you've stated with the author you've cited. I would have really loved for you to expand on your citation of Messner's piece. He makes an interesting argument about the potential embodiment of the messages that toys send and the ways that your cousin sees himself.<BR/>Also, make sure you contextualize each quote by integrating it within a sentence (so that it's easier to link to your point, and so that it's structurally correct in the writing-sense) so that the quote isn't a sentence of its own in a paragraph (also, the first Newman quote needs a page number).<BR/>Last issue I noticed was your paper is remarkably coherent for an intro without a clear thesis :o) Make sure you have a clear, focused argument as the final sentence in the first paragraph (your intro) so that the analytical target is clear to your reader from the outset of your writing.<BR/>Overall, great work!!!<BR/>Jessie :o)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00882202558089495129noreply@blogger.com